Failure
by Books and Sunshine
Summary: Kurt doesn't get into NYADA. But his boyfriend Sebastian is there.


_A/N So... recently I've just been getting these plot bunnies of how life - specifically cerain events - would have been like in Glee if Sebastian was Kurt's boyfriend. So here's one that I just wrote quickly, mostly because this song had been stuck in my head too much - Failure, by Laura Marling._

* * *

A banging sounded on the door to my room "Kurt" Sebastian's voice called "Kurt, please let me in!"

I tried to stop sobbing and wiped a hand across my face before yelling "Go _away_ Sebastian." God, why had my father let him in when I was in such a state and had said I wanted to be alone?

"Kurt, you've got to let me in! Please, just talk to me!" Sebastian banged on the door harder, but I just curled further into the nest of blankets and sheets on my bed. It just wasn't fair. It was all I had ever wanted.

A couple minutes later, Sebastian called again "Kurt, please, I just want to help! I – I care about you!"

Even though my boyfriend rarely said his feelings aloud, I still couldn't let him in. He couldn't fix this. It was all my fault. I just wasn't good enough. I hadn't made it into NYADA. Rachel, who bombed her audition, then bothered Madame Tibideaux to the ends of the earth and back, had. I just wasn't good enough. I had failed, and now I would never get out of Lima. I would grow old here, alone, living in my Dad's basement, getting fat and losing my good looks, my boyfriend would probably leave me for someone more attractive and successful, I'd slowly lose all my friends and become the town laughingstock, and years later I would die unloved and alone, probably in this very house. I sniffled as tears streamed down my cheeks, heart breaking more with each passing second. Sebastian knocked again, and when there was no answer, there was a shuffling as he slowly left. God, he was probably leaving me already. What good was I for anyway? I had failed at the one thing I had wanted most of all, and I probably didn't even have my looks anymore, because I was an ugly crier – face scrunched up, nose red, eyes puffy and watery, god, I must look disgusting. The sobs were tearing at my chest harder now as I beat myself up over every little thing I had ever done wrong. I was a terrible friend. And boyfriend. Not nearly as hot as I'd like to be. So very effeminate – that's probably why NYADA didn't want me – no one wants that weird gay kid. I took too long in the bathroom. Didn't treat my dad right.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear the shuffling of footsteps coming back to my door, didn't notice someone was there until the gentle sounds of a guitar filtered through the crack under my door. I froze and lifted my head slightly off the bed-nest as my boyfriend began to sing, voice softer than I had ever heard from him.

_He used to be a singer in a rock and roll band.  
He would write the songs and I'd tremble at his hand but oh, la laa.  
He lost poetic ethic and his songs were pathetic, and he's a failure now._

He used to be the life and soul of everyone around.  
You'd never catch him looking up and never see him down but oh, la laa.  
He couldn't raise a smile oh, not for a while, and he's a failure now.

Don't cry child, you've got so much more to live for.  
Don't cry child, you've got something I would die for  
And if it comes to the rain, just be glad you'll smile again  
'Cause so many don't.  
And so many go unnamed.

People push right past me shouting their exclaims.  
A preacher pushes me aside and asks to wash my sins, I said no, la laa.

If He made me in His image, then He's a failure too.  
And I used to need a couple people keep my head down.  
Now I need a whole lot more to keep me on the ground but oh, la laa  
I gave up something and I gave it up for nothing, and I am failure now.

Don't cry child, you've got so much more to live for.  
Don't cry child, you've got something I would die for.  
And if it comes to the rain, just be glad you'll smile again  
'Cause so many don't.  
And so many go unnamed.

As Sebastian's song drew to a close I took a deep breath and realized that during the song, I had somehow managed to calm down a bit. Sebastian's voice had somehow held a soothing quality that he never used when singing in Glee Club. And right now I could only think about how much I wanted to see him. I sat up and shuffled to the door, throwing it open to reveal a rumpled, worried looking Sebastian sitting against the wall by the door, guitar in his lap. Looking him up and down, I noted that he was still in full Dalton dress – he must have driven over in the middle of school to get her, his hair was a mess, and his usually masked face was replaced by a sincere look of worry and compassion. A heart beat later, Sebastian had carefully put the guitar to the side, stood up, and pulled me into his arms. I blinked as my vision blurred with tears again, and Sebastian gently pushed me over to the bed, closing the door before curling up on the bed too and wrapping me within his arms. He slowly rubbed my back, not prompting or prodding me for answers, as I let all of my tears out.

As my tears petered out, I finally managed to stammer between sobs "It was just – all I h-had ever wanted. My d-d-dream. And I faaaaiiiilllleeed." I dissolved back into sobs as Sebastian rubbed my back patiently.

"Ssshh" He murmured to me softly "You are perfect. And if they can't see that, then you just have to realize that you have _so much more_ out there. You can do anything, and you are not alone, Kurt."

Though all I did was cry, and I was an ugly crier at that, Sebastian stayed, calming me down and wrapping me in his warmth, until I cried myself to sleep. And, as I was falling asleep, I could have sworn I heard him whisper 'I love you'.


End file.
